The Worst Horoscope You've Ever Gotten

Aries (March 21-April 19) 1 of 13

The New Moon is upon you, which means you will be experiencing major changes in the coming weeks. Expect a significant upset at work. It is likely that, after an unfortunate accident involving the CEO, you will take over the company you work for, which may come as a surprise considering your current position is third-tier at best. Don't get too comfortable, though, as you will have many obstacles, most of which will cause you to lose millions of dollars, plunging the company into a downward financial spiral. You will be forced to file for bankruptcy, downsize your staff and begin working out of your two bedroom apartment. You will soldier on for as long as you can, but eventually you will be forced to call it quits. You will have an especially difficult time firing your handicapped accountant, whose wife just had a set of quintuplet girls.  

But fear not, you will find love in March.